Amazing Animals...

1) One of the oldest known living creatures, a giant tortoise, died today. Check out the short write up at: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/5109342.stm It was thought to be 175 years old. That means the tortoise was born in 1831. INCREDIBLE!

2) I was at a supermarket tonight, and first thing I saw when walking in was a man... walking with a dog. But this medium sized, shaggy white dog was not walking like a dog... it was walking like a person... almost reminicent of Satchel of the "Get Fuzzy" comic strip. It was really strange... I watched the dog walk along side this guy on its back two paws. Out of one aisle, past a few others, and turning into another ailse.... the whole time, it's front paws never touched the ground... and as much as I was expecting it to finally put all four down like a normal dog, it simply DIDN'T. I was kinda weirded out. And you know, this supermarket won't let ME come inside while I'm wearing my rain jacket... so how did this little dog get in? Here's my theory: I'll bet that guy trained his dog to act like a kid so he can be like, "This isn't a dog... this is my kid," and any poor befuddled store worker would have a hard time convincing the man otherwise as the man could, with full confidence insist, "Well, it's walking on two legs, isn't it? Have you ever seen a dog able to walk around like this one two legs? Or course not. So you can see clearly. It's my kid and it can come into the store."

two things

1) All 300 4, 5, and 6-year-olds in the kindergarten have been practicing since January for a big kindergarten graduation show here (it will be on July 1st). What show are they doing, you ask? Andrew Lloyd Weber's CATS, and I'm not evening kidding. Granted, they aren't singing it. But they are doing careful, complicated, well-oiled choreography to each song recording. I can't even believe it.

2) I'm not sure if I've mentioned blue trucks before or not, but there are these blue trucks around here that remind me I'm "home." Well, I've developed a strong dislike of these trucks, even if they do make me feel "at home" in ChiaYi. They are known for their wild driving, tearing here and there and everywhere, causing ridiculous accidents and alarm. How I feel about blue trucks is how Mr. Bean feels about three-wheeled cars. I don't even think about them as having drivers... I see the blue trucks of having this nasty personality all of their own. I suppose it may be something like the new movie, Cars, though I've yet to see that. At any rate, on my way back from the post office this morning, I spotted the epitome of wretched vehicals - a three-wheeled blue truck.

Belief vs. Trust

Though some of you may read this post and respond like Elizabeth Bennet's aunt (of Pride and Prejudice), "Take care, my dear. That savors strongly of bitterness." I really do not mean to sound bitter. This was just an idea I've been turning over in my head and I wanted to throw it out there.

Belief vs. Trust

What are they? Are they the same? Completely different? Relative? Relevant? And where does FAITH fall in the spectrum (be it narrow or wide)?

This is what I think I've come to conclude. I believe people, but don't trust them. I trust God, but don't (act like I) believe Him. Let me explain...

I'm not the quickest one when it comes to picking up on sarcasm. People have told me I'm sincere, and I take it as a compliment and think it's a good quality... though at times I suspect they are criticizing me. :) Ah well. At any rate, dishonesty does NOT set well with me. I remember telling someone once in one of my angriest moments (after she had lied to me), "If you EVER want to make me MAD, LIE TO ME!" So I guess I appreciate sincerety and honestly. Having this in mind, the way I view the world is through the eyes of one who always expects that other people are being open and honest with me just as I am being with them. Anything that's said to me, I will, if even for the smallest millisecond, try to justify it in my mind and figure how they can be telling truth. This makes funny-sarcasm situations extra entertaining but non-humorus situations frustrating. So I've learned that I don't trust people. I will take every word a person says as the truth as they see it. But I don't trust that they will feel that way a few seconds from that moment or that they will remember that or that they just aren't owning up to the facts... and are being silly, choosing to be blind, and as much as they are convinced they are telling the truth, they just aren't.

You tell me this. I believe it. I'll even act on it. I'll hope that you are being honest, and expect that you are being honest. But I don't trust that you'll follow through or feel the same way for any length of time. It's rather pessimistic, I realize this. And I don't like that I'm so suspicious of people, but I've really been struggling with this... after being disappointed too many times. I believe you. But I don't trust you.

Then there's God. I trust God. Why? He's given me faith... a free gift offered because of the sacrifice and resurrection of His Son, Jesus Christ! I trust God. I know this earth will fail. I know I will fail. I know my friends and family will fail. But I trust God will not fail... His love will not fail.... His promises will not fail. HOWEVER... taking a look at God's Word... and taking a look at my life, it would appear that I hardly believe a word He says. Let's look at a few examples:

1) "Cast all your cares upon me" He says. (1 Peter 5:7) I carry my cares, running them on repeat through my mind.

2) "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7) I struggle with anxiety, I forget to talk to God.

3) "The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other." (Galatians 5:16 26) FIRST, I have the ridiculous gall to think, "Oh, it's good I'm none of those bad things...." Followed by, "Ooops. Maybe I should think about that again. Um... discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy......" I'm caught. And these aren't any more or less disgusting than any other horrible sin. Yet I struggle.

4) "You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, burn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you." (Matthew 5:38-42) I run away from those in need. I care about filling my own belly rather than the needs of those around me... I desire payback for those who have hurt me.... and that's just no good.

5) "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment... Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and guiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." (1 Peter 3:3-4) I fuss over my looks... outer looks... forgetting that what is on the inside shines through brighter than anything outward...

6) "Forgive as the Lord forgave you." (Colossians 3:13... and Matthew 18:21-35)

Why can't I act like I believe these words? I trust God, I want to follow him, and yet I struggle. And there we have it folks, on our own, we can't live lives free from these snares of sin... we can't be good. Maybe sometimes, sure, but there's no way anyone can ever be perfect... and perfection is God's requirement for entering His kingdom. Blast.

But wait. There's more. Just like when the disciples asked Jesus, "Who then can be saved?" (Matthew 19:25) Jesus answered, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." (Matthew 19:26)

There was one who lived perfectly. The only one who never sinned.... was never impure.... was never guilty of forgetting about God (since He WAS God :) ) .... Jesus Christ. And he paid the price (death!) to wash away these struggles. And He rose again so that we may know His victory and may look forward to the day when we too will rise again, new and perfect... no more crying, no more sorrow. (Revelations 21:3-4 and Jeremiah 31:11-14) A day when I will, by God's amazing grace, both trust God and believe Him and ACT like it! :) In the meantime though, there is also hope and excitement and joy for today. God has given us His Holy Spirit. HIM living in us empowers us to love, empowers us to live not by the sinful nature but rather by His Holy Spirit... He can do those good things in us and through us... just like the verses in Galatians say.

It is my prayer that God may teach me to let go of any bitterness, to trust HIM, to believe HIM and to act like it... so that maybe someone might say, "There's something different about that girl. She's not normal." What a great compliment that would be to someone bursting to share the Good News of God's salvation in Jesus Christ to all the world... AND that is my prayer for each of you. May you know Jesus... and when you see how this world disappoints, may God show you that He NEVER lets us down, but makes us His beloved children and citizens of His heavenly kingdom.

What do I have to lose by trusting in myself and not in God? A lot... everything in fact... I lose peace, motivation to love, faith, hope....

What do I have to gain by trusting in God and not myself? EVERYTHING! Life, hope, joy, love, and peace. :)


Hmm... I always seem to go off on a slight tangent from my original point. But isn't that interesting? Believing people, but not at all trusting them...... Trusting God, but acting like I don't believe a word He says.

May God teach me, rather than all that, to LOVE people as He loves them and to not only trust Him, but not to worry, and to love those around me like I actually believe His caring heart and the blessings of following His commands!

not what I expected!

Just now, about a half and hour before I am headed into the office for the day, I finished Great Expectations, and was completely thrown off by the ending. I read the last line and said out loud, "WHAT?!"

I think the book is magnificent, but the last two chapters were NOT the picture I had been painting in my head the whole way through. I adored the book all through, but am presently sitting here with my nose scruntched up, wondering at what just happened.

Now I'm laughing at myself for expecting an ending of Great Expectations that was to my liking more than to the characters' and I am coming to the conclusion that probably the characters are more happy this way than ever with the way I had mapped out.

It's just amusing to me because it's a perfect (albeit very minor) example of my last blog. "What! That's not what I wanted!.... huh... well, I guess maybe it works out much better this way..."

I hope I've not said too much to ruin any of the novel for anyone. Don't assume anything from my comments. I perhaps carry different opinions from a great many people of how stories "should" go. :)

Now to get my hands on A Tale of Two Cities...

Great Expectations

Great Expectations. I don't think there could be a better title for a book. I'm in the middle of reading it for the first time, completely enthralled. I've been staying up entirely too late, reading on and on, trying to find the answers to all the mysteries Dickens wove together in this highly entertaining look back at main character's life.

But I'm not really blogging about the book... more just about the title.

If I look back at life, some of the most challenging times for me have been about disappointment, disappointed expectations. Things anywhere from not breaking my CC personal record goal in high school to not having the perfect scene and scenario played out upon my return home from a long trip to not making in into the musical or the choir to being disappointed by friends to beind disappointed in myself.

Expectations are dangerous for me. I seem to have a vivid imagination and like to create experiences in my head, painting exactly how they will go and how lovely and jubilant each will be.

When the scene plays out different from the one I had dreamed, no matter how right in its own regard, I am often guilty of feeling disappointed.

Now, I shouldn't just blanket my whole life with this statement, but I can think of many different examples where this has proved true. And I began thinking about that as I sat going over this book's title in my head.

Mark Buchanan, the author of a book titled Your God is Too Safe, wrote some about expectations: "Our lives should be lived with expectancy. Not necessarily with expectation, because expectation tends to dictate terms."

What do you think of that?

There may be a bit to that. When I paint specifics in my head, grandeur, excitement, smiles, kind words... rarely, or ever, do I have my expectations met. However... if I would just think, "What is coming up will be a blessing and I will look for the good in it and celebrate that." Perhaps I wouldn't be so taken aback when the terms are different than I had invisioned.

There was another factor in my thinking about this idea. The day I am returning to the States for a few weeks this summer, my parents are not going to be able to pick me up at the airport. (Understanding the situation, I do not hold this against them :D... but bear with me as I explain.) This was initially somewhat as a shock... not so much because it needs to be a big deal, but because I had this vivid picture in my head of how it was going to be when I walked off the airplane. Early in the year, I had been talking with another missionary here, Noel. Noel was sharing about her return to the States last summer, and how walking out and seeing the faces of those you have known and loved your whole life waiting for you must be a small glimpse of what heaven will be... suddenly beholding the faces of not only the loved ones who shared your time on Earth... but the face of your Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ too! So let's just say, that, tearing up over this beautiful picture, I was a bit taken aback when I found I may have a taxi service greeting me at the airport. :) (Since there, there have been other options come avaiable with friends and siblings. And I'm as excited to see familiar faces and places as ever!)

However, I'm still feeling cautious.... I know I have ideas of the things I will do, the places I will see this summer.... I have ideas of how I'll feel and what I'll say and what opportunities I'll have and then also what it will be like coming back here to my second family in Taiwan.... but is that okay? I think so. As long as I am aware of that and that the motto, 'Be flexible" still holds! Especially keeping this in mind:

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."
Ephesians 3:20-21

I love it! I love that the best we can cook up in our heads isn't even a smidget of the greatness God has, does, and will provide for us through our Lord Jesus Christ!

I think of the expectations of Jesus' disciples... and of so many people... maybe even everyone at that time. They expected him, if truly the "Messiah" to deliver the Jewish people from the physical, worldly oppression or ruling of other nations, specifically at the time of Christ, the Romans. They thought he'd fight a battle with an army of followers, push back the Romans, and claim a throne on earth. So when Jesus is like, "No, goofy people, I'm not going to rule you on earth for a short time, I'm going to save you from eternal death and give you eternal life in heaven," they were DISAPPOINTED!

"What Jesus?? No thrown? No earthly glory? No victorious battles against the Romans? No sitting at your right and left hand at a huge banquet hall in Jerusalem? What?! You're giving us eternal life, forgiveness, salvation, a healed relationship with our Creator?! Blast! That's not what we expected at allll~~ (whine)."

Silly, right? But how often are we those disciples? I know I am. "What, God?! I'm not in the choir I wanted?! I won't get to see my family at the airport~~~ whine, whine, whine.... What?! You love me forever and have given me countless blessings not the least of which is being made a part of your family and heir to your eternal kingdom in heaven?! But I want comfort and happy circumstances on earth... I want mooo~~re! (whine~~)"

Hmm.

Really, who are we to dictate terms.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

Friends, God cares about the details. He knows the number of hairs on our head. He knew us as he formed us inside our mother's womb. He knew us even before that.

And God never promised anything was going to be easy. Quite the contrary. But He promised and promises to see us through the storm. (That's part of a song I really like.)

I remember a few years back, sitting on the window seal of a tall building in China, just having ended a summer teaching English in China, I was watching the rain fall on traffic below and talking with a friend. This analogy came to mind.

I kind of feel like it's my birthday. God comes to me and says, 'Okay, Anna, I'm going to take you somewhere. It's a surprise. Here's a blindfold.' My eyes are covered and I am led wondering at what might await. Will it be a room full of family and friends? Will it be a new car? Will it be a wonderful trip to an exciting or beautiful location? I don't know... but one thing I do know... whatever is before me when the blindfold is removed is going to be good. It's God. He loves me enough to give His own Son to die for me. He is almighty and gracious. No matter how it feels being unable to see... I trust in His goodness.

Take it or leave it for what it's worth. :) Just some thoughts!

On with Great Expectations...

Field Trip to the Sea

This actually was a field trip with the kindergarten from a while back, but I just found these couple pictures and thought I would share!

The class studies a crab.



What IS this thing?!